iguanamouth:

last year one night me and my old roommates were all playing twister and mike was on the spinner and halfway through the game he kind of mumbled to himself “i sure hope im calling these right” and then everyone in the room simultaneously remembered that mike was colorblind

Rule #1 Never be #2

kushandwizdom:

Good Vibes HERE

beksboys:

"free trial"

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"all we need is your credit card information"

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punned:

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY *class chants* “BILL BILL BILL BILL”

Rule # 12: Only three types of people tell the truth: kids, drunk people, and anyone who is pissed the fuck off.

— Richard Pryor (via bl-ossomed)